Kyiv, Lvivska Square. Mike de Peyrac, a certified wine connoisseur, a chosen ambassador of delicate aromas and aged aftertastes, looked more like a tired lumberjack after a night’s duty that day. The night without sleep left me in a state of half-zombie sommelier. But a business meeting was coming up, and I couldn’t afford to look like a person who had confused work with hibernation. The solution? A bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, the white liquid of vigor.

The task was simple: find a wine boutique, buy a bottle, and maybe find a company to raise my enthusiasm. And then, as if in a French comedy, they appeared — two young girls. They are identical, like labels on expensive wines: their bellies are flat, like the bottom of a glass, their legs are long, like the road to the vineyards of Bordeaux, their faces are light glamor with a taste of TikTok filters.

Mike, as a gentleman with a sommelier certificate and a belief in diplomacy, decided that these were the perfect candidates for my spontaneous tasting companions. He approaches with the utmost seriousness, as if it were a real business pitch:

• «Girls, I’m sorry for the suddenness, but I’m offering to taste a bottle of wonderful white wine right now.

One of them twinkled her eyes. It was obvious that she had imagined herself as a heroine of a romantic French movie. And the other… The second one started reading me with her eyes as if I had offered them to sign a contract with the devil. She frowned as if she saw the price tag on a bottle in a restaurant and replied coldly:

• «We’re actually underage.

Oh, but our hero is a certified wine expert! His job is to solve wine crises, not create them. Gathering his courage, he comes up with a counter-argument that has long been described in sommelier textbooks:

• «It’s not a problem! Minors are allowed to spit rather than swallow.

Her face turned into a living manifesto of emotions: square eyes, pursed lips, and an expression that simultaneously shouted «Are you kidding?!» and «Where are the police?!» Her friend was also embarrassedly silent, and Michael, feeling that the degree of tension was beginning to exceed even a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, decided to retreat.

He walked down the alley without looking back, but inside he was vomiting with laughter. After all, what could be better than an accidental situation where you are a collector, sommelier, diplomat, and stand-up at the same time?)